A Captain's Course
by astareltheweeper
Summary: Kathryn has choices to make, and time is not on her side... some JC. Final chapter is up! PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! It doesn't cost anything...
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount and for some reason we must mention this above everything we write.

This is my second fanfic. I should have the next chapter up tomorrow or Saturday. Please R&R, suggestions are welcome. I am a big fan of JC fluff but I like to work in a reasonably decent storyline too... if you're seeking pure outright fluff have a look at my favourites list! ) I know this one is short, but it's late...

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Kathryn couldn't sleep. It was becoming an uncomfortably common occurrence. She sat with one leg folded beneath her and watched the stars stream by as she held her coffee cup to her lips with both hands. At least she could relax in her quarters. She always felt tense and stressed on the bridge. There was no doubt in her mind that she could maintain her stiff façade, but it still didn't make the doing of it any easier. Being Captain wasn't easy at the best of times, but it was positively wearing Kathryn into the ground at the moment. She was finding it increasingly difficult to separate her personal life from her working life. In Voyager's situation, with the crew becoming more and more like a family each day, there was a fine enough line between the two already. Yet it was somehow a Janeway trait to be able to maintain a stiff upper lip, no matter what the position. Captain Janeway and Kathryn were distinctly different and the Captain usually maintained the upper hand when it came to emotions. Even now, in the privacy of her own rooms, the Captain remained firmly in control. Kathryn would always be lost behind the Captain. In fact, she doubted that anyone even knew Kathryn well, except perhaps Chakotay. He was the only one who had ever been able to encourage her to open up and share her feelings since Voyager had become trapped in the Delta Quadrant. But she could not tell him what was troubling her now. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, or even that she didn't want to, but the weight of it was crushing her as it was and she couldn't bear to burden anyone else with concern for her. She sighed. It was all that she could do to keep her own mind off the situation. It is one thing to hide your worries from others, but to hide them from yourself is quite another. She knew however, that the safety of her ship and crew were to be her primary concern. Any personal needs would always be secondary. After two months, however, she knew that she was slowly losing the battle and her carefully maintained Captain's mask was cracking. She chided herself bitterly for the way she had snapped at Lieutenant Paris earlier that day. It would not do to let her personal life affect her crew, however inadvertently.

"Computer. Time."

"0408"

Kathryn sipped the last of her coffee and then headed for a shower. Her next shift started in less than two hours so it was pointless to try and get any more sleep. Coffee was not exactly conducive to sleep in the first place but it was her only indulgence. Perhaps a walk in the airponics bay would help to revive her a little. Also, the Doctor had recommended that she rest up and she loved to disobey his advice...

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Kathryn breathed deeply as she walked. It felt good to be moving around again. She was limping slightly but refused to let it bother her. Kathryn's reputation for being both stubborn and resilient was well earned.

She was just enjoying a brief sit down to relieve her now throbbing leg when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned to see Chakotay coming in through the door and looking around as though he were searching for someone. Not wanting to be found nursing her illness, Kathryn bent to the ground under the premise of adjusting her boot. She was shocked as she realised in the same moment that she was still wearing her slippers and that Chakotay was peering down at her with a look of amused curiosity on his face.

"Hiding are we? And in adorable footwear, I must say!"

Kathryn blushed slightly as she heard the laughter in his voice.

"What gives you the impression that I was hiding Commander?" she asked, trying to make her voice sound as sincere as possible.

"Well, there is the fact that you disappeared from view directly after I came through the door and..."

Chakotay stopped in mid sentence and frowned. Kathryn had straightened up and as she stood up from the bench he was sure he saw a look of pain flash across her face.

"Are you feeling alright Kathryn?" he asked with concern.

"Fine thank you Commander" she replied snappily.

"Are you sure? You've been a bit off form lately. Is anything bothering you?"

"I assure you Commander, that if anything were the matter I would contact the Doctor. Thank you for your concern. If you'll excuse me, my shift begins at 0600."

With that, she walked stiffly from the bay without giving him a backwards glance. Chakotay sighed. Sometimes conversations with Kathryn gave you the odd feeling that you had just been bashing your head repeatedly off a wall. He was still worried about her. He noticed that she had been limping as she left and she had been surprisingly curt with him. Her demeanour had been strange lately. It was unlike Kathryn to be so uptight and angry. He resolved to try and speak with her after their shift.


	2. Chapter 2

Kathryn sighed and leaned against the wall. She was back in her quarters after a 10 hour shift on the bridge. It had been a very tense day as they were travelling through an unpopulated part of space and what she needed was a distraction from her present condition instead of being allowed to dwell on it.

She had an appointment with the Doctor in ten minutes but was not feeling at all inclined to go. She wanted nothing more than a long sleep to escape it all but that would not come easily. But she was alone at least, and that was enough for her to relax and let go for a short while. Slowly, she slid to the floor and sat there with her knees tucked under her chin. The overpowering sea of emotions that was churning within her manifested itself as a single tear which slipped down her cheek and onto her combadge.

She jumped as she heard footsteps approach and then stop outside her door. Taking a moment to replace her miserable expression with an emotionless mask, she wiped the tear from her face, straightened her uniform and said "Come in."

Chakotay was surprised to see the door open before he had even gotten past wondering whether he was making the right decision.

"Good afternoon Captain, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a moment."

She didn't move. He glanced down the corridor and saw Ensign Kim approaching.

"In private?"

She raised an eyebrow inquisitively; seemingly curious as to why he hadn't stated a reason for his unheralded arrival, but never the less stepped aside and allowed him to enter.

Chakotay looked around. The room was dark; Kathryn hadn't activated the lights even though she had been off duty for the past twenty minutes. There was a cup, presumably having contained coffee at some point, lying on the table and a blanket strewn across the chair. Something was definitely wrong. Chakotay took in a deep breath. It would take some nerve to confront Kathryn but he couldn't let her go on like this.

"Computer; activate lights. What seems to be the problem Commander?"

Kathryn walked over to the replicator to get herself another cup of coffee. She could sense that what was about to come would be personal; Chakotay hadn't even pretended to be coming to see her under the premise of discussing anything to do with the ship.

"Can I get you anything?"

He gave her a confused look; she seems to have interrupted a train of thought. She gestured to the replicator.

"Ah, no thank you."

Chakotay seated himself by the table and waited until Kathryn did the same, clutching the steaming cup of coffee to her face. He could see by her look that she knew what was coming. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Captain... Kathryn, I know that something has been bothering you lately. You just haven't been yourself. You've been tense, you haven't been sleeping enough and you're injured."

She shot him a dangerous look.

"I noticed that you were limping this morning in the airponics bay."

Kathryn thought deeply before replying to this and cleverly disguised it by taking an extra long sip of coffee. He was the one person she had hoped wouldn't come after her, wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary. If she was honest with herself, Chakotay was the one person that she couldn't lie to. He knew her, possibly better than she knew herself, and it was difficult to lie to him even if she wanted to. The biggest problem was that she didn't want to lie to him. She wanted to spill out all of the hurt and worry that was building up inside her. If she did lie, she knew that he wasn't likely to force the issue. He would give her that look of infinite sadness and disappointment that could rend her heart like a thousand daggers and then leave the subject. All Kathryn wanted in the entire universe at that moment was for the man she loved to hold her, to pull her close and tell her that everything would be okay, that he would protect her. But she couldn't. This time she couldn't afford to be Kathryn. She couldn't break down and tell him everything that was wrong. She couldn't do that to him. Imagining the look on his face if he knew was enough to strengthen her resolve even further. He couldn't know. She had to put others before herself, even now.

Chakotay was getting even more worried. Kathryn hadn't spoken for almost a minute. He took this pause as a sign that there was definitely something very wrong. What she was deciding now was whether or not to tell him. He held his breath. He could see her face crease into a deep frown as she placed her coffee cup back on the table and then lace her fingers together and rested her chin on her hands. This was bad. While other women would have been on the verge of tears, Captain Janeway would merely frown and remain silent.

Kathryn looked him directly in the eyes and spoke at last, trying to make her voice as reassuring as possible.

"I appreciate your concern Chakotay, but I really am fine. I twisted my ankle slightly while walking this morning and I was taking a look at it when you happened upon me 'hiding' as you so humorously put it. I have since been to the Doctor and he assures me that I will make a full recovery. It isn't believed to be life threatening."

At this she smiled, hoping to make him believe that she really was okay, but he could see the lie in her eyes and she could see the pain in his.

Chakotay knew that he was about to take a dangerous step, but he was beyond caring at this point. Kathryn was hurt, and she was making up a pathetic lie to try and cover the truth. It was too unlike her... He leaned closer to her and spoke in a quiet but deadly serious voice...

"Kathryn, we both know that's a lie. Something is very wrong and I want to know what it is. You're hurt."

At this he gave her such a heartfelt look of concern that it almost melted her resolve entirely.

She stiffened and then stood up, her official voice returning.

"Commander, while I appreciate the trouble that you have taken, I regret to inform you that this conversation ends here. Dismissed."

With that, she turned to walk away but, throwing protocol by the wayside, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her so that she was facing him.

"I'm not going to let you go on like this Kathryn. You need help. Let me give it to you."

She shook herself free of his grip but didn't move away. She was almost a head shorter than him, but still intimidating in her own way and her eyes flashed daggers at him. She moved closer, so that their faces almost touched. It was not a move of affection but of anger.

"I said dismissed Commander" she said in a voice barely audible, but heavy with threats.

Chakotay stood his ground and stared her down, becoming angry himself.

"I'm not moving until I get some answers."

Kathryn stood back, now seething with anger.

"I'm warning you Commander. If you don't leave my quarters immediately I'll have you thrown in the brig."

Chakotay was taken aback. He had never seen Kathryn this angry with him before. Perhaps it was better to leave it for the moment. But he couldn't leave her like this. Who knew what her condition was. He took a step towards the door and then hesitated.

Kathryn tapped her combadge.

"Janeway to Security"

"Fine, I'm leaving."

Tuvok's voice could be heard over the combadge.

"Is everything alright Captain?"

"Yes, thank you Tuvok. Sorry to have bothered you."

Kathryn never took her eyes from Chakotay's as she spoke and her look conveyed to him that he was on very dangerous ground.

"Get out" she snapped.

Chakotay turned and walked from the room, tears pricking at his eyes. Why did she keep doing this? He stopped in the doorway and looked back. She looked so small in the vast room, standing there, rigid with anger. He wasn't angry at her anymore, he just wanted to protect her and help her.

"You can't keep pushing me away forever Kathryn"

With that, he turned and left. As the door slid shut, Kathryn slid to the floor in a heap. She allowed herself to cry for the first time in years, sobbing loudly into her hair which had fallen from its clip and was strewn across the floor. He was right, she couldn't, and the effort was draining her.

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Kathryn refused to meet Chakotay's eyes the next day on the bridge. The harsh words of their argument still hung in the air. The rest of the crew could sense it and the atmosphere on the bridge was tenser than ever before.

As Kathryn read over a PADD report from B'Elanna she thought back to what he had said the night before. She didn't want to keep pushing him away. In fact, she couldn't afford to. She was dying.

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Well there you go! That's my second chapter... hope y'all liked it! Please, please review if you've read this far! I know it doesn't seem very JC what with them having a huge fight and all but I'll get there, honest! In the meantime, suggestions are welcome! Also bear in mind that much of this was written late at night so please point out any errors, grammatical or otherwise! Are the characters accurate?


	3. Chapter 3

Chakotay was frustrated beyond words. He tapped angrily at the PADD he was working on. Tuvok, who was working nearby, noted the first officer's behaviour but merely raised his eyebrow and said nothing. The Captain had been displaying uncharacteristic behaviour lately as well. It was illogical for the command team to be displaying such behaviour. If they were ill, they should consult the Doctor. He had already advised the Captain to do so and she had politely agreed and changed the subject. Tuvok suspected that she had not taken his advice. Although humans were characteristically illogical, the Captain usually took the best course of action given the situation. Tuvok was puzzled. Humans...

Chakotay kept glancing over at Kathryn but she refused to acknowledge him. He had tried asking the Doctor if anything was wrong with her. The Doctor had acknowledged that Kathryn had been to see him, but refused to say why on the basis of "doctor-patient confidentiality". Chakotay kept hitting dead ends and it was driving him crazy. It seemed that the answers lay with Kathryn herself and no one else. Given her behaviour the evening before, he was reluctant to try and confront her again. He was glad that she had been to see the Doctor, but couldn't understand why she hadn't improved. If it was a simple leg injury, the Doctor should have been able to heal it in minutes. There was something deeply wrong with her, body and spirit, and he was determined to help her. The Doctor was experienced, but he was no counsellor. Chakotay knew Kathryn as well as he knew himself and he could feel in his heart that she was hurting.

Tom was surprised to notice the look on Chakotay's face. The commander usually had the beginnings of a smile on his face and even in tense situations he merely looked determined but now he was bearing a look of sheer torture. Was he homesick? It couldn't be that... they had been in the Delta Quadrant for 5 years and Chakotay had never had that look before. B'Elanna had mentioned to him the night before in Sandrine's that the Captain had been out of sorts lately. Judging by their behaviour today, the command team had had a fight. Tom couldn't understand that pair. They cared deeply for each other; that he knew. With the Captain, it was difficult to tell how she was feeling a lot of the time, but when she looked at Chakotay, it just radiated from her. She always stood a little closer to him than she needed to, and it was clear that they enjoyed each others company. But today they were barely speaking. Tom suspected that he was about to take a fall in the betting pools.

"If I might interrupt your reverie Lieutenant?"

Tom jumped. The Captain was standing right beside him and he hadn't even noticed. He kicked himself inwardly. She didn't look too pleased either.

"Warp 5 Mr. Paris."

He nodded and quickly accessed the control panel. If Janeway was angry, he didn't want to be in the range of fire.

"Commander Chakotay you have the bridge."

With that, she left without any explanation as to where she was going. Chakotay watched her retreating form and sighed. Tom and Harry exchanged a look and Tuvok frowned. Chakotay seemed agitated. About 3 minutes later he stood up.

"Tuvok, the bridge is yours"

He walked briskly out of the room and into the nearest turbolift. He had an idea of where the Captain had gone but he wasn't sure that he should follow. He would only push her further away by interfering. By now, he was walking along the corridor to sickbay. He stopped just outside the door. He could hear voices inside that confirmed his theory; Kathryn and the Doctor.

"How much has it progressed Doctor?"

There was a long pause.

"Give it to me straight Doctor, I'm not afraid."

The quiver in her voice betrayed her. Kathryn knew that she was frightened. This disease was uncontrollable. The Doctor had been working on it for weeks and hadn't found a cure, or even a treatment to slow the progression of her symptoms.

"Your condition is advancing more quickly than I had initially anticipated. It appears to be going through a series of rapid mutations. At the moment, it is affecting your mobility. I predict that..." the Doctor paused uncomfortably "that if it continues to advance at the current rate you will be completely paralysed from the neck down within 3 days."

Kathryn paled. She had had no idea that it would happen so fast.

The Doctor was still talking.

"I would like to keep you in sickbay so that I can monitor you..."

Kathryn couldn't hear him anymore. Everything had gone blank. All she could do was stare straight ahead.

Outside the door, Chakotay felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. He had known that it was serious but... paralysed? It seemed impossible. Kathryn was to fiery, too passionate, too full of life to be _paralysed_. He couldn't help it any longer... he burst through the door into sickbay. The Doctor looked up at him indignantly but Kathryn didn't move. She was sitting on a biobed with her head in her hands.

"Really Commander, I must insist that you don't burst into sickbay like this. It is most distressing for my patients..."

Chakotay ignored him. Walking up to Kathryn, he placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Kathryn?"

Still she didn't move. Her mind had barely registered the touch. She felt empty and hollow inside, as though someone had ripped out her insides. She could vaguely hear the Doctor and Chakotay arguing.

"Commander, I insist that you leave. I need to treat the Captain in peace."

Chakotay turned on him, anger etched on his face.

"You haven't helped her. You can't. Why can't you cure her?"

"Calm down please Commander. I am doing everything that I can to..."

"Well it's not good enough!"

"I am aware of that Commander" said the Doctor testily. "Given the circumstances I am making the best progress possible. I do not wish to see the Captain suffer, any more than you do."

Chakotay's anger dissipated slightly.

"Forgive me Doctor, I..."

"I know that you must be upset. However, it is in the Captain's best interests that she remain in sickbay to be treated. She needs plenty of rest. You are correct in assuming that I have not found a cure, but I hope to be able to discover one. For now, I am giving her something to help her to relax."

The Doctor motioned for him to stand aside as he bent slightly to speak to Kathryn.

"Captain, I'm going to give you the same drug that I gave you yesterday evening."

She inclined her head slightly, allowing him to inject the hypospray into her neck. The Doctor turned back to Chakotay.

"Don't worry; she won't be in any pain. I'll leave you both to talk."

The Doctor moved closer and lowered his voice.

"It would be best if you could keep her as calm as possible. We all know the Captain to be a resilient person but this has been very traumatising."

Chakotay nodded and sat next to Kathryn on the biobed. He had no idea what to say or do. The Doctor surveyed his patient again.

"I'll be in my office if you need anything Captain. Good day Commander."

The Doctor left them alone. Chakotay looked at his hands. He felt so helpless and he hated it. Kathryn still hadn't moved or even acknowledged his presence. He wondered whether she was still angry at him. It wasn't his place to worry about that now. It was up to him to help her in any way that he could. He gave her a few more minutes before attempting to talk again.

"Kathryn?"

She seemed as though she couldn't hear him. Kathryn didn't know what was going on in her mind. Her head felt as though it was buzzing. She needed to talk to him. There was a lot to be said and time wasn't on her side. But she couldn't even formulate a thought properly, never mind trying to organise everything that she wanted to tell him. 3 days? It was too soon; far sooner than the Doctor had estimated. That wasn't enough time to... there could never be enough time.

Chakotay reached out to Kathryn and gently lowered her hands from her face and held them in his own. There were red lines on her skin from the pressure she had been exerting.

"Please talk to me Kathryn. I'm here to help."

She was shaking. He had never seen her like this before. He wanted to comfort her but he wasn't sure how she would respond. Gently, he tilted her chin upwards so that he was looking into her eyes. He could see so much pain there; not physical but emotional. He loved her more in that moment than he could ever have imagined was possible. Leaning forward slightly, he placed a tender kiss on her lips.

When he drew away, he saw a single tear slip down her cheek. She exhaled heavily and then leaned in towards him and buried her face in his shoulder. He wrapped both arms around her narrow frame and held her tight.

"I love you Kathryn and I'm not waiting any longer to tell you. Anything that you are going through, we're going through it together."

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That's it for now because I have homework to attend to! Sorry for stopping mid-scene... will finish tomorrow. R&R welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

Kathryn lingered in his embrace for what seemed like forever. It felt so good to be comforted, instead of being the comforter. Tentatively, her mind began to try and grasp what was going on. She had 3 days, just 3 days to get everything in order. After that... who knew? Unless the Doctor was able to find a cure... she had to believe that he could. There was no point in blind optimism; she had to accept that it was very likely she would not survive. But curling into a ball and ignoring the time she had left was equally pointless. Kathryn wasn't sure that she was strong enough to handle this. She had always accepted possible death as a part of her job, but not this way. Lying on a biobed while she waited for her body and mind to slowly deteriorate was not what she had been prepared for. But she didn't have to do this alone anymore. The full realisation of what had just transpired between herself and her first officer began to dawn on her. Through the fog of the shock and turmoil in her mind shone one clear and undeniable fact. He did love her. He loved her as she loved him. Given all that was going on in her mind, she wasn't quite sure that she could trust that it was really happening. Could this be both the best and worst day of her life at once?

She turned her tear stained face sideways. She could see that her right hand was clenched in a fist, clutching Chakotay's uniform just above his combadge. Her other arm was tucked in to her chest and wisps of her hair had fallen from her carefully arranged hairdo. Chakotay's head was gently resting on hers. Both of his arms were wrapped tightly around her and he was rubbing the small of her back comfortingly. She sniffed and almost smiled at the thought of what a field day Tom Paris would have if he could see her now.

She slowly extracted herself from his arms and sat up, looking into his eyes. He brushed away her tears with his thumb, cupping her chin in his hands.

"I meant what I said Kathryn; I'm here for you no matter what. We can face this together."

Fresh tears streamed down her face. All that she could manage was a husky "Thank you."

He leaned closer to her, so that their foreheads were touching. Looking deep into her eyes, he made her a promise:

"I'm going to fight for you Kathryn. I've loved you since the moment I saw you and I'm not going to let you go."

"I don't want you to. I love you."

He kissed her forehead gently. She smiled.

"You're not going to be paralysed. You can beat this."

She choked. How much had he heard? Did he know? She had to tell him now, before another moment passed. She covered his hands with hers and turned away from him.

"Chakotay I'm... the disease is affecting more than my mobility. It's attacking my entire neural system. I'm dying."

She couldn't meet his eyes. She didn't want to see the look on his face. Had she done the right thing? For once, she didn't know. It was only fair that he knew. She herself had still not come to terms with what was happening to her own body, but knowing that he was extremely upset allowed for her captain's instinct to kick in and she put his feelings before her own.

She allowed herself to meet his gaze and her heart was torn by what she saw. None of the things she had expected; fear or self pity. Just an aching sense of loss. He had lost his whole family and now he was about to lose her. Forgetting that she was the one who was suffering, Kathryn was filled with compassion for him. She felt his hands slip away from her, but she kept a hold of them. Putting on the strongest voice she could muster, she attempted to reassure him.

"The Doctor is doing everything that he can. He has the largest database of medical knowledge that Starfleet has ever known. I know that he can find a cure."

She knew that her voice sounded hollow. Now Chakotay was the one who couldn't speak. He felt as though his world had fallen apart. It had been more than he could handle to think that Kathryn would be paralysed. Tears were filling his eyes. He reprimanded himself. How on earth could he be so selfish at a time like this? Kathryn had been going through this alone for weeks. She needed his help, his comfort. Now was not the time for him to fall apart. He snapped back to life.

"Of course he can. I'm going to help him, and you're going to fight this thing."

He gave what he hoped was an encouraging smile.

"You're the strongest woman I know."

She looked at him with resolve. She would fight as long as there was breath in her body. Her spirit could be weakened, but not broken.

Chakotay couldn't believe how beautiful she looked. Her hair was dishevelled, her face tearstained and her uniform crumpled and yet she was still the most breathtaking woman he had ever seen. He pulled her to him again. This time Kathryn wrapped her arms around him too and they clung to each other.

"I'll never let go."

"Never."

The Doctor glanced at them from his office. It appeared that the Captain had revealed the full nature of her illness to the Commander. It was also evident that the true nature of their mutual feelings for each other had come to light. The Doctor was no psychologist, but he understood the human concept of love and his hearing eyesight was impeccable. He had often seen the Captain and First Officer treating each other in much the same way as Tom and B'Elanna, whom he understood to share such a bond. From what he understood, it would not be detrimental to the Captain's treatment and he suspected that it would relieve some of the stress that she had been suffering from. She was a strong woman. But was she strong enough? He frowned as he looked back to the screen that he had been studying.

'Cardassian Sidereal Virus: Rare disease affecting the nervous system and neural functions. Initial symptoms: pain associated with strenuous activity, decreased mobility leading to eventual paralysis. Eventually resulting in loss of synaptic functions and complete neural failure.'

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End of chapter 4! If you have reads this far; please, PLEASE review. Something. Anything. Don't make me beg pathetically... I tried to make it a lil mushier but this is never gonna be utter lovey doveyness so sorry for promising that initially! I've got an idea for a good Christmas fic which I'll start when I finish this one... in the meantime... please review or I'll be tempted to stop writing!


	5. Chapter 5

Kathryn jerked awake. There was a sharp pain shooting down her legs. She looked around for the Doctor. She could see Chakotay asleep in a chair beside her biobed. He was still holding her hand. She made to squeeze his hand reassuringly but she couldn't move her hand. Panicked, she took a deep breath and tried again to move her left arm. Nothing. Kathryn called out frantically;

"Computer. Activate emergency medical hologram."

"What is the nature of the medical emergency?"

"Doctor. My arm. I can't move it..."

The Doctor whipped out a tricorder and began to scan her. He frowned and went to his office to access the computer. Kathryn eased herself into a sitting position using her right arm and gingerly cradled her left one. The pains were still shooting down her legs and they felt clumsy and stiff. Chakotay woke up.

"Are you okay?"

"I can't move my arm."

He could see the fear etched on her face. This was far, far too soon. He rubbed the damaged arm reassuringly. Her look intensified.

"I... I can't feel your hand."

Chakotay gripped her hand fiercely, willing her to feel it. She shook her head sadly and mumbled in a small voice.

"Too soon..."

Chakotay opened his mouth to try and say something comforting but at that moment the Doctor re-emerged from his office with a grim look on his face.

"Captain, I have both good and bad news. Firstly; the progress of your illness has again sped up. I have not yet discovered a treatment for it, but I have at last found out what disease you are suffering from. It is the Cardassian Sidereal Virus. I am hoping that, equipped with this information, I will be able to access the Starfleet database of Cardassian medical knowledge and find a remedy. However, given my experience of viruses it is likely that the only possible cure will be... if we are able to gain a blood sample of a Cardassian who is immune to the virus. So far, I have encountered no records of any other species being affected."

Kathryn tried to take all of this in. Beside her, Chakotay had frozen.

"Is... is there any other way Doctor?" she asked.

"I cannot answer that yet Captain and I do not like to speculate. I am giving you something for the pain and I recommend that you rest."

He injected a hypospray into her neck.

"I will be working as quickly as I can Captain. I assure you that you will have the best care possible."

He moved towards his office, but Kathryn called him back. She looked over at Chakotay, who was stroking her unfeeling hand tenderly without looking up. He seemed to be lost in thought. It didn't take Kathryn two guesses to figure out why. She took a deep breath.

"Doctor, if this is a Cardassian disease, then how did I contract it?"

"I don't know Captain. We have not encountered any Cardassians in the Delta Quadrant. It is possible, but improbable that you somehow contracted it on an away mission. Besides which..." at this point he seemed rather uncomfortable "due to the nature of the virus, it is transmitted in a very specific manner."

She gave him her reputed death glare and spoke in a deadly serious voice, all her captain's authority returning.

"Go on."

"There are several possibilities. For the virus to infect your bloodstream it would have had to be either directly injected, entered your system via an open wound or..." he dropped his eyes from her gaze "transmitted sexually."

Kathryn's eyes blazed.

"I assure you Doctor, only your first suggestion is remotely possible. As you will note in your logs, I have not been injured during any recent away missions."

She deliberately chose not to refer to the third possibility.

"Very well Captain, but you do realise the implications of this?"

He raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Shall I spell it out for you?" Chakotay interrupted angrily, breaking his silence. "Someone is trying to kill her."

"We will explore all the possibilities in due course Commander. In the meantime, her health is my primary concern."

But Chakotay wasn't listening. He was gripped by an uncontrollable rage.

"Chakotay to Tuvok."

"Yes Commander."

"Report to sickbay immediately. We have a serious security situation on our hands."

The Doctor attempted to reason with him.

"Really Commander, even if the Captain has been deliberately infected with the virus, which we have not established yet, it is highly unlikely that it was done by a member of the crew. It is the middle of the night, there is no need to disturb the whole ship."

Chakotay turned towards him with a hellish fire burning in his eyes.

"If only Cardassians can cure it, then only Cardassians can give it. The planets we have visited had no remote Cardassian connections. If there is a Cardassian spy on this ship, I want to know who."

The Doctor refrained from further comment. The running of the ship was not his business.

"I'll be in my office Captain."

Kathryn nodded. Memories were coming back to her. Horrible memories, long repressed. A dark cell... hunger and thirst... beatings, and worse... The memory of her captivity...

Chakotay was standing now. His anger had not subsided. He walked back and forth agitatedly, waiting for Tuvok to arrive. Kathryn didn't know what she could say. Finally, the swish of the door announced Tuvok's arrival.

"What is the problem Commander?"

"Tuvok, I need to run a security check on the entire crew."

"Commander, what is going on?"

"Someone is trying to kill the Captain. She needs to remain in sickbay and I want you to guard her. Do not leave her until I return under any circumstances."

"Very well Commander, but may I suggest..."

"No."

Tuvok gave the Captain a look of concern but she wasn't looking at him. She was looking at her knees, with one arm held tenderly in the other. Was it broken?

Chakotay went to Kathryn before he left. He knew what must be going through her mind. Anger consumed him, but it had not clouded his thinking. He sat on the chair beside the biobed and spoke to her gently.

"Don't think about that now."

She gave him a look of surprise. Often, she forgot just how well he knew her. She became aware that there was a look of considerable pain on her face and she quickly donned a look of resolve. They had both suffered at the hands of the Cardassians before. If anything, his pain was greater than hers. She wanted to show him that her memories couldn't scare her, or control her.

Chakotay saw through her expression. Those memories still hurt her deeply.

"I won't let anyone hurt you" he said fiercely.

"I know." she said quietly. Taking his hand in her healthy one, she laced her fingers through his in the same way that she had done on New Earth. Chakotay gave her a look of determination. Reluctantly letting go of her hand, he turned and strode from sickbay.

The moment was not lost on Tuvok. Both of his eyebrows were raised this time. Even for a Vulcan, this was all a lot to take in in under 2 minutes.

---------------

Okay so this is the new and improved version! I finally have an ending but I'm too tired to type it up tonight. Will do tomorrow. Some people have been asking timeline questions... its set roughly in the 5th series but not specifically an add on to any episodes. Also, I have edited and consider Chakotay's reaction to be quite appropriate considering his past. If that was me I'm sure the word Cardassian would make my blood boil, never mind hearing that they were trying to kill someone that I loved. As for all the questions about access to the virus, no Cardassians in the DQ and blah de blah; I have thought this through and I didn't just throw it together! I promise some decent plot in the next chapter that should start to fill in some gaps but I can't tell you everything until the end now can I? )


	6. Chapter 6

Okay guys, the long awaited next chapter! 5th chapter has been heavily edited so I suggest that you re-read it. I had to take a few days to get my head around this plot... it grew far larger than I had anticipated! I'll type up the ending either later or tomorrow depending on whether some cappuccino is forthcoming in the meantime! ) Enjoy and please leave some feedback, I love to know what you think.

DISCLAIMER: Voyager and its characters are the property of Paramount and I claim no credit for them. This storyline and any new characters are of my own invention and belong to me so please don't use them without my permission.

--------------

"Captain, may I ask what is going on?"

Kathryn sighed. She supposed the cat was out of the bag at this point but it was never going to be easy to have to tell her closest friends that she was dying.

"The Doctor has discovered that I have been infected with a rare Cardassian virus. It is affecting my mobility and my neural system."

Tuvok hesitated for a moment to absorb the information. When Chakotay had said that the Captain's life was in danger, he had assumed that she needed to be protected from an attack, not that she had already been affected.

"What is the prognosis?"

"Death." she replied bitterly. She wasn't in the mood to discuss her condition repeatedly. Tuvok had fallen silent at this point and busied himself by examining some of the Doctor's instruments. Kathryn realised that he was just worried about her and regretted being so short with him. But she wasn't in the mood to talk. She couldn't help it.

Again the images flashed back into her mind. A horrible dark room... long hours of silence punctuated only by a searing, horrifying pain. She shuddered and her hand flew to the scar on her chest. Kathryn tried her best to resist the memories that haunted her. Sometimes they came to her during the night, and she would wake up breathing heavily and covered in a cold sweat. She didn't want to let them take a hold of her. She told herself that she was strong enough to control them.

But right now, fear was flooding her system. If what the Doctor said was true, then a Cardassian had somehow infiltrated her ship. Kathryn knew enough of them to know that they were ruthless when they felt the need. What could they want with Voyager? Other than the Maquis crewmembers... How could the Cardassians be in the Delta Quadrant? If there was a spy on Voyager, they must have been on board for years, so why wait until now?

Kathryn longed to be able to do something. She wished that she had been thinking more clearly when Chakotay had left. She didn't feel in her heart that he was taking the right course of action. This wasn't something that should be aired in front of the entire crew. She could understand his motives... his family had been murdered in cold blood by the Cardassians. She would have been angry in his position. But they would only alert the spy and alarm the crew. Her mind was made up. She tapped her combadge.

"Janeway to Chakotay"

"Yes Captain?"

"Where are you Commander? Have you spoken with the crew yet?"

"No Captain. I am speaking with Tom and B'Elanna at the moment."

"Report back to sickbay. There has been a change of plan."

"Captain?"

"Just get back here Chakotay."

Kathryn felt better having asserted her authority. She moved to stand up but the Doctor came over and motioned for her to stay where she was. He scanned her again.

"Captain, I advise that you remain lying down and rest. The muscles in your left leg are weakening rapidly. I don't think that it will be able to take your weight any longer."

Kathryn chose not to listen. Easing herself into a standing position leaning against the biobed, she took a deep breath and tried to take a step forward. Tuvok had come closer to watch and was able to catch her as her leg buckled beneath her weight. As he helped her back on to the biobed, Tuvok saw the look of desperation on her face. No tears came this time but Kathryn was instead solidly determined not to be defeated. Tuvok knew what it was that really disturbed Kathryn about her condition. This was something that she couldn't control and she hated it. She sat on the biobed with her fists clenched in frustration.

At this point Chakotay came back into sickbay. Tuvok and the Doctor turned to speak to him but were silenced by the look on his face. They followed his gaze back to the biobed where Kathryn had been sitting just a moment before. She was gone. Chakotay was the first to react.

"Chakotay to Kim."

"Yes Commander."

"There has been an unauthorised transport from the ship. Can you get a lock on the source?"

"The signal is scrambled Commander, I'll work on it."

"I'm on my way to the bridge."

He ran from sickbay with Tuvok a step behind, leaving a very bewildered Doctor standing by an empty biobed.

---------------

Kathryn had fallen hard to the ground. Her lip was bleeding and her right kneecap felt like it had been shattered. Knowing that she couldn't stand up, she manoeuvred herself painfully into a sitting position and surveyed her surroundings. She couldn't see anything in the dimly lit room. Feeling for her phaser, she gripped it firmly in her right hand.

Suddenly she heard a voice.

"That is pointless. Your weapons and communications devices will not work here. Don't be afraid. We mean you no harm."

She spun around. There was no one there.

"Who is out there? Where am I?" she asked defiantly, trying to sound as confident as possible but aware that she was utterly helpless.

"My name is Maral. You are on the planet Kria in the Phynian system."

The voice sounded vague and dreamy; as though it were coming both from far away and yet inside her own head at once.

"Show yourself."

"That is not possible."

"Why?" Kathryn was getting very unnerved.

"I am not in the same room as you at present. We understand that your species do not have the gift of telepathy but we believed that you had encountered it before. Perhaps we were incorrect?"

Kathryn was on guard and her mind was racing but the voice that she could hear did not sound hostile. It felt strange to be speaking into an empty room and then hearing the answer in her head. She could perceive the difference now. She decided to be as tactful as possible, but she did not want to betray any evidence of her illness. She hoped that they would assume that she had just fallen hard after transport.

"We have encountered telepathic races before. Why have you brought me here? Do you wish to study my species?"

"We have been studying the humans on your ship for some time now. We find your people to be quite fascinating, and very technologically advanced. We have brought you here at the request of some friends of ours. They will be arriving shortly to speak with you."

Kathryn trembled. This conversation was not going her way.

"Where is Voyager? Return me to my ship."

"That is not possible at this time."

"Why?" she shouted.

There was no response.

---------------

All of the senior staff gaped at the viewscreen as their First Officer spoke with the Jemarh'ka leader. The man before them was humanoid in form and about 7 foot tall. His skin was pale green, with a mottled bluish grey hue to it. His eyes were perfectly ovular, with irises like those of a cat; they were a deep shade of purple. His nostrils were like slits, he had no mouth and there was a semi-circular ridge along his forehead which was pierced at each end by a chain. His hair was jet black, begging halfway down his head and cropped at the nape of the neck. His race was evidently telepathic. Chakotay had been engaging him in a fierce debate for the past five minutes but the man, calling himself Jalen, had refused to yield either information or their Captain.

"You have no right to hold our Captain against her will."

"As I have already stated Commander; she will come to no harm."

Chakotay hesitated for a moment. Revealing the Captain's illness to them was likely to put her in a dangerous position. He wanted to use it as leverage to demand her release but the risk was too great.

"Captain Janeway is not in violation of any of your laws. If she is not returned to our ship, we will react with all necessary force."

"I think that you will find that approach to be futile."

The communication ended. Chakotay punched his chair in frustration. This whole situation stank of Cardassian involvement and his instinct was to annihilate the entire star system. There was a long tense silence on the bridge, punctuated only by the sound of Ensign Kim conducting scans on the planet and its surrounding system.

"Commander. I have finished scanning the system. The planet that the Captain is on is surrounded by some sort of natural phenomenon that I have never encountered before. Its form is like that of the ozone layer that once surrounded Earth, but it is formed by some sort of complex hydrocarbons that are unlike any others in the known galaxy. As far as I can see, the only way that it can be penetrated is by their specially configured transporter beams. The planet is rich in ladarium ore."

"Very well. Conduct more scans. They must have a way to get their ships through that shield. See if you can calculate the configuration of their transporter beams, perhaps we could modify our own to match."

"Commander... there's something else."

"Yes?"

"Scans are detecting a wormhole approximately 2 light years from our current position."

Chakotay froze.

"Where does it lead?"

Kim looked up at him.

"The Alpha Quadrant."

---------------

Well there it is! Didn't wanna ruin the element of surprise by mentioning the Jemarh'ka at the beginning but please note that they are mine... I came up with a whole culture for them that I don't think will fit into this story so there may be another one in the works soon! Anyhow, in the meantime please R&R!


	7. Chapter 7

Kathryn leaned back into the chair. It had taken her a long time to make the decision to drag herself into it, knowing full well that she would be revealing just how weak she was by doing so. A light had come on in the room after the voice had disappeared. She couldn't see any sort of monitoring device in the room but chose to assume that she was being watched. It was a plain room, about 15 feet by 20. It had neither the look of a holding cell, or of a guest bedroom but something of a strange mixture. The walls and floor were bare and unadorned but there was an armchair, a distinctly Victorian looking bed and a small table with a glass containing what looked like water placed on top. Kathryn had considered her position for a few moments before moving to the chair. She was very uncomfortable and in a lot of pain and the cold floor had been chilling her to her bones. It hardly mattered that they knew of her condition, since all they would need was a basic weapon to kill her as she had no way of defending herself and no way to contact Voyager.

She had not taken the word of the strange creature at first, trying repeatedly both to contact Voyager and testing her phaser on the nearby table. However, it appeared that the alien was correct and neither would function here, wherever here might be. Kathryn calculated that she had not been there for more than half an hour. That had given her plenty of time to think about her situation. Survival instinct had kicked in and, unnerved as she was, the fears from her past no longer crippled her thinking. These people might not be associated with whoever had given her the virus, but who were these 'friends' that they had spoken of, and what did they want with her? Kathryn knew that Voyager possessed advanced Starfleet technology which was unlikely to have been seen by many races in this part of the galaxy, and that kidnapping her was a more useful way of acquiring her ship than launching an attack which would risk damage to the systems.

Who were these people, the apparent 'hit men' of some other race? They did not seem violent, had not threatened her and seemed to be attempting to make her reasonably comfortable. Kathryn didn't trust these conflicting signals at all. She was getting thirsty but wouldn't have touched the glass on the table for any amount of money. She had had enough experience of her body being invaded by alien substances lately.

Just as she was contemplating what these 'friends' were going to do with her, the door on the far side of the room opened, admitting a small group of people. Several of them were strange to Kathryn; they were tall and thin with greenish skin and large eyes. The figure at the head of the group turned and nodded to them and they left again. There was no mistaking the identity of this creature when he turned around; Tarnak, the Cardassian who had been responsible for her torture and interrogation 5 years previously.

---------------

"On screen"

Chakotay watched the Cardassian ship drift lazily in orbit around the planet. It had been detected coming through the wormhole less than 3 minutes earlier. Sensors indicated that one life form had beamed down to the planet and two remained on board. They were still far from the ship, but Voyager must have registered on its sensors and Chakotay wondered why they had not acknowledged Voyager's presence. He wanted nothing more than to blast the damn thing out of the sky but he reasoned that capturing it would give them the upper hand. Before Voyager could make a move however, the ship turned and sped back through the distant wormhole. Chakotay threw himself into his chair, frustrated that he hadn't done something sooner. He couldn't afford to let chances like that slip through their fingers. Every moment they waited could be bringing Kathryn closer to death.

Tuvok was becoming very concerned by the First Officer's behaviour. They were all worried about the Captain, but Chakotay seemed to be going above and beyond the call of duty on that point. He walked over to where Chakotay was sitting.

"Commander, there is a matter I would like to discuss with you."

Tom and Harry looked over at them and actually leaned forward a little so that they could hear what was being said. A look from Tuvok sent Harry on a determined mission to conduct yet another scan of the wormhole and led Tom to the sudden discovery of a very complicated problem with the navigation controls.

"What is it Tuvok?"

There was exasperation in Chakotay's voice, and a quiet desperation that confirmed Tuvok's suspicions. He leaned closer so as not to be heard by the surrounding crew.

"Commander, we are all concerned for the Captain's safety, but I fear that your personal feelings for her and your hatred towards the Cardassians are clouding your judgement."

Tuvok braced himself for the self righteous indignation that was usually the response when he informed people that their emotions were interfering with their duties, but instead he was surprised that Chakotay only sighed.

"You are right my friend, I am not thinking clearly."

Tuvok was momentarily taken aback by this admission of guilt. However, he quickly recovered. His trust in his First Officer was absolute.

"I trust that you will take steps to control yourself."

Chakotay nodded. Tuvok was satisfied with the conversation and turned to go back to his post but Chakotay stopped him by gripping his arm.

"Tuvok."

"Yes Commander?"

Chakotay fixed him with a look of intense sincerity.

"Thank you."

Tuvok was uncomfortable with such a display of emotion and merely nodded gruffly and returned to his position.

"Mr. Kim, try to re-establish contact with the Jemarh'ka."

---------------

Kathryn pursed her lips and refused to look towards him. Tarnak was becoming frustrated with her, she could tell, but for some reason he hadn't tried to hurt or threaten her yet. She had never known Cardassians to play good cop before and she was distinctly puzzled, but thoroughly prepared to take full advantage of the situation. She wasn't going to tell him anything.

Tarnak was becoming very angry. How his people managed to work with such a primitive race, he could not understand. They had no weapons technology, no concept of torture or interrogation and the only reason that they had not been annihilated by the Cardassians was because of the strange natural shield which protected their planet and disabled any weapons which were taken down to the surface. If he could have things his way, Janeway would be taken back to his ship and interrogated properly. However, he could not risk bad relations with the Jemarh'ka. Their planet was one of the only (and certainly the richest) sources of ladarium ore available to them. 'Damn them and their ethics', he thought. An uncooperative prisoner should be treated accordingly.

"I will ask you again... Captain", he spat out the word as if was painful to him to address her by her proper title "what do you know about the Kappa Anomaly?"

Kathryn didn't move an inch. Whatever she had expected, it was not this. She had had no idea that the Cardassians knew of her mission, or even that anyone except herself and the crew of the Helix knew of the name 'Kappa Anomaly'. However, that ship and its crew were very likely to be utterly destroyed by now. She betrayed nothing in her look that could indicate that she knew what he was talking about.

Tarnak leaned closer to her, placing his hands on the arms of her chair. Still Kathryn didn't move. He ran a finger down the outside of her uniform, along the line of her sternum. She flinched away from him. He smiled.

"So you do remember me Captain. After all this time..."

Kathryn flashed him a look of utter hatred. Yes, she remembered. The torture device had been surgically implanted in her chest and connected to the nerves throughout her body. She remembered Tarnak standing over her with a remote control device, casually describing the amount of pain he could inflict at the touch of a button. She remembered a pain so severe that it had blinded her for hours at a time... She had told him nothing then, and she would tell him nothing now.

Tarnak was becoming angry. This woman had been very resistant to questioning before, even with the aid of his technology. He would have to play his final card. Backing away from her, he casually sat on the edge of the bed.

"I understand that you have been taken ill recently?"

Kathryn had turned before she could stop herself. She could see the self satisfied look on his face. Chakotay had been right. She had not wanted to believe it. But she realised that she had known from the moment Tarnak had entered the room. Whatever control she had had of the situation, she had just lost it.

"I hope you understand Captain, that cures for your condition are very rare. I happen to possess one myself" at this he tapped the vein in his neck "if you are willing to negotiate a small exchange in return."

Kathryn's steely look told him that he needed to press his point a little further.

"Khalay, come."

He addressed this command directly to Kathryn. She felt a strange sensation in her stomach, as though her body was deflating and then a shimmering grey cloud appeared in front of her, formed itself into a perfect replica of her and sat down on the bed.

Kathryn couldn't help the look of surprise which now crossed her face. Tarnak actually chuckled, causing Kathryn's look to harden back into one of hatred.

"This is Khalay. She is... well firstly; she isn't a she at all. She can be anything. She copies the DNA of whoever she likes. She has been on Voyager since you ventured onto a planet in the Denarsii system just over a month ago. I must say she has enjoyed her stay thoroughly." The Kathryn copy smirked. "She was most saddened to hear of your illness. So much so that she gave up her own form and entered your body to prevent the development of it's more... nasty effects."

Kathryn spoke for the first time.

"So you sent a spy aboard my ship to give me a fatal illness. Why then try and protect me from it?"

Tarnak was pleased, this was progress.

"Well, we wouldn't want to destroy the very information we need now, would we Captain? Besides, we needed to adjust your flight plan to ensure that you reached us, which took rather longer than we expected. We know that you have what we want."

"I can't give you what you want. It is implanted in my mind in such a way that I cannot even access it."

Tarnak had expected this... He needed the Vulcan.


	8. Chapter 8

Tuvok managed to stay on his feet as he landed in the strange room. He could see Kathryn sitting in a nearby chair, looking distinctly ruffled but resolute.

"Captain."

"Hello Tuvok."

She didn't turn towards him. The tone in her voice was grim.

"Have a seat Mr. Tuvok."

Tuvok turned to see who was speaking. He was shocked to see a Cardassian sitting beside Kathryn on the edge of a large bed. But Kathryn was sitting in the chair... Tuvok pulled out his tricorder but it wasn't working. The Cardassian laughed.

"We have not brought you here to confuse you. Have a seat in that chair. That is your real Captain."

Tuvok hesitated a moment and then went to sit in the chair beside Kathryn's. He looked over at her but she didn't turn towards him or speak. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the copy of herself that was sitting casually on the bed.

---------------

"Harry, have you found a way to penetrate that shield yet?"

"No Commander."

"They're just going to keep picking us off one by one it seems."

"Commander, we're receiving a communication from the planet."

"On screen."

Jalen appeared on the screen again.

"Commander, I wish to inform you that we have brought another member of your crew down to the surface of our planet. Our friends wish to speak with him."

"Like they want to 'speak' to Captain Janeway, no doubt. Why are you abducting members of our crew and what do the Cardassians want with them?"

"I assure you that our friends have no hostile intentions towards your crew Commander, they are merely assisting in an investigation."

"Against their will. I demand that they are returned to our ship. Why are you allowing this?"

"We have not displayed any hostile intent Commander. I see no reason to worry."

"Then let me speak to them."

Jalen hesitated a moment and seemed to be consulting with someone off screen.

"That is not possible"

Again, the communication suddenly went dead.

---------------

Tarnak spoke to Tuvok.

"We have brought you here to assist us in answering a little question of ours. Your Captain has some information that we want. However, it requires that you perform a mind meld to access it."

Tuvok stared at the Cardassian, wondering if he was really being asked to do what he thought he had heard.

"I will not perform any such action without the consent of my Captain."

"And you won't be getting that consent Tuvok."

Kathryn was firm. She didn't know how they planned to threaten Tuvok, but she knew what would happen to her if she did not co-operate.

"Do you really value some barely significant information over your Captain's life? I think that Starfleet is not what it once was."

"I obey the orders of my Captain, and I hardly think that such information is 'barely significant' if you have gone to such trouble to get to it."

Tarnak had not counted on such loyalty, but it was hardly surprising. Vulcans didn't feel emotion... the life of his Captain was not something that he could be blackmailed with. He must hardly care for her at all.

"Khalay, return."

The shapeshifter became like a puff of grey cloud again and then vanished into Kathryn's body.

"We can't have you getting too sick Captain."

Tarnak got up and left without any further explanation.

Kathryn turned to Tuvok and began to speak in a low voice.

"Tuvok, I have no way out of this. He will kill me, but he may let you and Voyager go. Is there any way that we can get a message to Chakotay to tell him to get Voyager out of here?"

"No Captain. This planet is surrounded by a protective layer which is only penetrated by the technology of the native inhabitants."

They filled each other in on all that they had learned.

Kathryn was silent for a few moments. If this wormhole did lead to the Alpha Quadrant, it could be a way home for Voyager. But it was undoubtedly heavily guarded by Cardassian vessels. She hoped that Chakotay would find a way through. The information about the Kappa Anomaly, whatever it was, was likely to die with her. It was undoubtedly important, since even she was not allowed to know what it was and the Cardassians were willing to kill her for it. What was it that was so important to everyone? The crew that had trusted her to carry the information back to Starfleet had discovered it in a far corner of the Alpha Quadrant. When they had met Kathryn, they suspected that they were being chased by someone who knew what they were carrying. The Cardassians must have captured and killed them by now. Kathryn could only assume that if they had come after her, the crew of the Helix must not have been very forthcoming. She was also overpoweringly repulsed at the thought of the thing that was residing in her body. Could it read her thoughts? Could it control her?

The door opened again. This time, however, it was one of the Jemarh'ka.

"Hello Kathryn. I am Maral."

"You brought me here. You spoke to me when I got here. Who are you?"

"I am a nurse. I was not permitted to tend to you before. Let me look at that."

She dabbed gently at Kathryn's lip.

"What is the nature of your connection with the Cardassians?" Tuvok asked.

"The Cardassians discovered the wormhole leading to our system before I was born. For as long as I can remember, we have traded ladarium ore with them in exchange for their technology. They have never asked us to do anything like this before. We do not keep prisoners in our society..."

Kathryn interrupted at this point.

"Please, they are keeping us here against our will. They have deliberately infected me with a killer disease in order to coerce me to give them information. This isn't right."

She looked at them sadly.

"There is nothing that I can do. It is not my decision."

"There must be someone that you can speak to. Do you know where my ship is?"

The girl shook her head and backed away.

"I do not know anything."

With that, she left.

Kathryn sighed in frustration.

---------------

"Commander, the Cardassian ship is returning."

"Get a lock on it Mr. Kim."

"Done Sir."

"How many life forms on board?"

"Two... no three. One just beamed up from the planet."

"Beam them aboard."

---------------

"Tuvok, we can't just sit here and accept this, we have to do..."

The door opened again and this time Chakotay walked in. Tuvok and Kathryn were both shocked. This was either very good, or very, very bad.


	9. Chapter 9

The look on Chakotay's face as he approached them was grim. Any hopes that Kathryn had had of her ship getting home safely were fading rapidly. He looked at her sadly. He was relieved to see that she was still reasonably healthy, but she looked like she was in a lot of pain.

"I'm sorry Captain."

He sat down heavily and stared at his feet. He had done what he thought was best, but how could he have known?

"What happened Chakotay?" she asked, more sharply than she had intended.

The voice that answered her came not from her First Officer, but from just inside the doorway. Tarnak had returned.

"Your First Officer here thought that it would be a good idea to beam myself and my pilot and navigator aboard your ship. No doubt he thought that he could interrogate us..." at this, he laughed. "He didn't count on our friends detecting the action and promptly beaming both us and him down to the surface. Your ship has been ordered to stay put and to cease any hostile activity."

Chakotay gave Kathryn a helpless look. Tuvok remained silent.

Tarnak was pleased with the way that things were going. He had intended to consult once more with his superiors before making the final decision, but he had concluded that he was making the right choice. They were risking the wrath of the Federation, but the reward would be great...

"Now Captain, I'm sure that we can be reasonable here."

Kathryn's heart sank... not only did he have her life in the palm of his hand, but also those of her entire crew. Her stubborn expression did not change.

"I will give you one more chance; tell us what you know and you and your crew will be permitted to leave."

Kathryn knew that Tarnak's hands were somewhat tied. The Jemarh'ka would not allow him to kill any of them, but she would be left to die from the virus. She was fully prepared to do so, but would Voyager be allowed to go if she did?

"It seems that I need to remind you of the possible consequences of your actions. It would be terrible if your crew were also to fall ill." The malice in his eyes was unmistakeable. "Or even worse, if they were to infect anyone on Earth when they return."

Kathryn's mind juddered to a halt. She knew what he was suggesting. Khalay or one of her kind could easily remain on Voyager and infect the entire crew. Tuvok knew about Khalay, but how could they possibly detect her presence? Kathryn had been scanned numerous times while the symbiote had been present in her body and it had never been detected. As for the virus, they barely knew what it was and they certainly had no cure or vaccine for it. It was not her right to sacrifice her entire crew. What if they did get home? They would be endangering the entire population of Earth. This was too great a decision for her to make... was this information really worth it? How could she know?

Tuvok and Chakotay were both watching Kathryn as she thought it over. Neither of them doubted that she was willing to sacrifice her life for this mission, but the Cardassian was threatening Voyager and Earth... Chakotay's face was twisted with hatred as he looked at Tarnak. It was all that he could do not to kill him with his bare hands. Tuvok was considering the most logical course of action and, judging by the look that was emerging across Kathryn's face; that was the course that she was taking.

"How does this mind meld work? Can this... symbiote of yours read my mind as soon as the information is unlocked?"

Tarnak smiled, he was just moments away from a great victory for his people. With this information, he could blackmail the Federation into returning control of the demilitarised zone to Cardassians.

"No. Khalay can only know your thoughts if you share them with her. The information will be yours to do with as you please, and you will tell us of your own free will."

"Then we can reach an agreement. I will perform the mind meld now but I'm not telling you a thing until my ship and her crew are safely back in the Alpha Quadrant."

She gave him a meaningful look. Tarnak could see that he had met his match in Captain Janeway. She wanted him to transport her crew safely through the wormhole to the Alpha Quadrant. He couldn't help but admire her bravery in staying behind. She was clearly intelligent enough to know that this situation gave no guarantees.

"Very well Captain, I'm sure that we can negotiate."

Kathryn was very familiar with what Cardassians meant by negotiate, but she had the upper hand once and for all and she knew it.

"Tuvok, if you would be so kind."

She turned to her Lieutenant and oldest friend. Tuvok realised exactly what this action meant. Once the mind meld was complete, he would never see Captain Janeway again. Slowly, he placed his hands on either side of her face and began.

"My mind with your mind..."

Tuvok didn't know what it was that they were searching for. Kathryn could feel a growing realisation that there was a part of her brain that she had not had access to before. As the mind meld proceeded, she focused her energy on opening that part of her subconscious... Suddenly, it all burst forth in a glorious river. There were co-ordinates; a remote corner of the Alpha Quadrant, and a stardate. She could see the entrance to a wormhole. There was a blinding light, and then something so bright and so beautiful that she could never have imagined it. There were colours that she hadn't known were possible and sounds that she never knew existed. Then, it all subsided and slowly faded to black.

She was out of breath, as though she had been running, and when she opened her eyes she realised that everyone present was looking at her expectantly. Kathryn had just had the most exhilarating experience of her entire life. She had seen what she had long ago dismissed as impossible... it denied all logic... Yet now she was certain of one thing; no one could ever know. Not the Cardassians, not even Starfleet.

She looked at each of her crewmates in turn, savouring the last time that she would see them. Tuvok's expression was the same as ever but she knew that he could feel the loss, if not as keenly as she could. She held Chakotay's gaze for a long time. They didn't need to say anything, they couldn't embrace, but that look contained everything that each of them needed to know.

Tarnak was getting impatient.

"Well Captain?"

"Return my crew to their ship and allow them to return to the Alpha Quadrant unharmed, then I will tell you what you need to know."

Tarnak smiled.

---------------

Chakotay and Tuvok didn't exchange a word as they walked onto the bridge. Each of them was dealing with the situation in their own way. Tuvok answered the crew's questions while Chakotay sat in his chair... it still didn't feel right to sit in Kathryn's... it was hers... He wouldn't allow it to sink in that she was gone. He told himself that he would somehow come back for her, rejecting the part of his brain that told him that she would be killed as soon as she had disclosed the necessary information.

As Voyager prepared to journey through the wormhole, he closed his eyes for a moment and tried hard to picture her face again. She was laughing with him in the mess hall at Neelix's attempts to making leola root sound appetising. She looked so alive; her eyes sparkled with amusement and her cheeks were flushed from laughing. Kathryn Janeway would never die; she would live on in the hearts of her crew forever.

"We are ready to leave Commander."

Tuvok's voice brought Chakotay back to the reality of the job at hand.

"Let's go Mr. Paris."

Voyager leapt through the stars and entered the mouth of the wormhole. The ship began to shake violently.

"Hull integrity has decreased 47 Sir."

"Modify the containment shields to compensate."

The shuddering lessened and Voyager emerged back into the inky blackness of space. The Alpha Quadrant. They were almost home.

"Status."

"All systems are fully operational Sir. No injuries reported. There are 17 Cardassian vessels flanking us."

"We don't need an escort. Can we shake them?"

"Yes Sir. Going to Warp 6."

Chakotay sat back in the chair and sighed. They were almost home. Kathryn had almost made it. They would never have gotten home without her, if only she had been here to see it.

"Doctor to Chakotay."

"Go ahead Doctor."

"You're needed in sickbay."

He got up stiffly and headed to sickbay. His head was foggy and he wanted time alone. His mind didn't register that there had been no injuries on board. When he walked through the doors the sight that met his eyes hit him like a blow to the head.

---------------

Kathryn smiled weakly as Chakotay looked at her dumbfounded.

"Come here Chakotay."

The past hour had been eventful to say the least.

Tarnak had begun to question her earnestly not long after Tuvok and Chakotay had left. She had demanded a guarantee that her vessel was safely in the Alpha Quadrant and he had refused to give it to her. She wouldn't tell him what she knew and he became increasingly angry. Then he made a fatal mistake; he hit her across the face. Kathryn had been thrown sideways by the force of the blow and fell to the floor. She was unable to get up and he was moving to hit her again when the door flew open. Kathryn's original assumption that she was being watched was correct; the Jemarh'ka had been monitoring their conversation telepathically. Several of them had entered the room and Tarnak fell to the floor clutching his head. Kathryn was astonished. She had assumed that because their society did imprison or torture anyone, they didn't have the ability but she was wrong.

Maral had followed the group into the room and introduced Kathryn to her father: Jalen. They had apologised for her treatment but asserted that they had not known that the Cardassians intended her any harm. While Kathryn found this hard to believe, they seemed to be sincerely bound by some code of honour and were eager to make it up to her. They did not know anything about her illness though and were unable to suggest a remedy. She had asked to be returned to Voyager and they had beamed her aboard just before the ship had entered the wormhole. The Jemarh'ka would keep Tarnak on their planet for a few more hours so that he could not alert the Cardassians and Voyager could pass safely through their space. They refused to imprison or punish him however and would return him unharmed to his ship afterwards.

---------------

"H...how?" was all that Chakotay managed to say.

He came to the head of her biobed and held her limp, unfeeling hand. Her voice was even weaker when she spoke again.

"I have a friend who will be able to tell you all that you need to know. Khalay, it's time."

The greyish smoke emerged from Kathryn's body again and Khalay materialised at the opposite side of the biobed and smiled half heartedly. As she had expected, Chakotay was not pleased.

"How can you let her be here? She's the reason..."

He stopped when he saw the pain in Kathryn's eyes...

"Chakotay. Trust me."

His expression softened.

"You'll die without her. If you trust her..." he cast a glance at Khalay "why not let her stay in your body?"

Chakotay knew the answer to this question even before he had asked it. What hope had been given to him in that brief moment when he first saw her lying in sickbay was now crushed.

"That is no way for either of us to live. The effects of the virus cannot be reversed, only halted. You know me well enough to know that I couldn't live like this. The Cardassians genetically engineered this virus; that much I know. I think you'll find that a cure will not be forthcoming."

He nodded, not trusting his voice. He squeezed her hand as he leaned in close to her. Kathryn could see the tears in his eyes and her voice cracked.

"We got them home. Together."

He clasped her hand in both of his and looked into her eyes pleadingly.

"Please don't go."

"I can't stay Chakotay."

It escaped her lips barely as a whisper.

"But now I am not afraid."

She smiled through the tears that were now filling her own eyes.

"I've seen it."

"Seen what?" he asked gently.

Her voice was now so weak that it was barely audible.

"The Kappa Anomaly... it... was... it was..." she took a laboured breath "heaven."

Kathryn exhaled heavily and a soft smile rested on her lips.

Chakotay cried out and buried his face in their clasped hands. The ghostly Khalay lowered her head.

As the starship Voyager finally came within sight of Earth, so passed her captain and the greatest captain that Starfleet has ever known.

--------------

Don't hate me please! It broke my heart to kill her; she's my favourite character ever! Please let me know what you think though... I'll probably edit it later and a short epilogue may be in the works to tie up any loose ends...


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